Top 10… Movie Creatures

10. Jabba the Hutt – Star Wars Episodes I (1999), IV (1977), VI (1983)

“Ooo na beeta Wookie!” The fattest mob-lord in the galaxy was pure old-school animatronics. Jabba cost over half a million dollars to make and three puppeteers to operate. Plus, he had a lot of taste when it came to bikini picking.

9. The Fly – The Fly (1986)

Jeff Goldblum’s transformation into half-man, half-fly is disgustingly awesome. As his fingernails, teeth and hair begins to fall out and his skin gets a bit rough, it’s impossible not to go “eugh!”

8. The She-Witch Thing – Evil Dead 2 (1987)

Poor Ted Raimi spent hours on end cooped up in this sweaty witch suit. How cool is it when Ash gets trapped in the basement and then hears “I buried her…… IN THE CELLAR!” And then she turned into some weird bug-eyed thing that liked lullabies.

7. Gollum – Lord of the Rings (2001-2003)

One of the coolest schizophrenics on the big screen and a marvel of digital technology, Gollum was incredibly brought to life by the geniuses at Peter Jackson’s WETA. He impressively managed to be evil, pathetic, pitiful and funny all at the same time.

6. Gizmo – Gremlins (1984), Gremlins 2 (1990)

He was cute and lovable, but not in an annoying way like those pissy Ewoks. And watching Gizmo as John Rambo was endlessly hilarious. Just as long as you don’t feed him after midnight or get water on him. And some other rule about sunlight. I can’t remember. He doesn’t tan well or something.

5. The Cave People – The Descent (2005)

Really scary, these guys. They may have been blind, but they knew their way around those unfortunate caves. And they had big teeth. Like Gollum on crack.

4. Yoda – Star Wars Episodes I (1999), II (2002), III(2005), V (1980), VI (1983)

900 years old, infinitely wise and he still can’t get his wizened head around basic English grammar. Yet Yoda is still the coolest green dude around. Designed with the eyes of Albert Einstein and the voice of Miss Piggy, Yoda is definitely the cult symbol of ultimate mentor wisdom. Even more so than Mr. Miagi.

3. The Predators – Predator (1987), Predator 2 (1990), Alien vs. Predator (2004)

“You’re one ugly mutha-fucka!” The eternal words of Arnie really do sum up these crazy, intergalactical safari hunters. Because really, they ain’t all that pretty. But they are damned cool. Invisibility, infra-red, lasers, these guys got it all.

2. The Thing – The Thing (1982)

This thing was THE thing. John Carpenter’s 1982 horror flick is the epitomy of old school creature effects. Best bit: The teeth-ridden cavernous mouth that appears in the guy’s stomach. Definitely the weirdest movie creature around, but not as balls-out unreal as….

1. The Aliens

– Alien (1978), Aliens (1986), Alien 3 (1992), Alien Ressurection (1997), Alien vs. Predator (2004)

The scariest, the coolest and the best-designed creatures EVER! From their smooth dome to their snappy tongues to their acid blood, these  aliens have come to define science-fiction horror of our age. Sometimes, I felt like I was rooting for these guys over Sigourney Weaver. But only sometimes, cos Ridley was one of the coolest action heroes ever.

And the worst…

The Leprechaun – Leprechaun (1993)

Whose fucking idea was this? Ooh, let’s exploit some more clichéd Irish myths by making a godawful horror film. Way more unintentionally funny than it could ever have been scary. And poor old Jennifer Aniston was in it. Bet she regrets that.

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