The CinemATTIC

Ocean’s 13

corkeryd — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 15:47:42 +0000

The new trailer for Ocean’s 13 is here. Will it be as good as 11 or as awful as 12? The trailer suggests a return to form for Soderbergh et al.

Trailer

The Bourne Ultimatum

corkeryd — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 16:30:26 +0000

After losing his memory and the one person he trusted and loved, Bourne is back and desperate to uncover the mysteries surrounding his past. However, the people who hold the truth are the same people hunting him down.
Matt Damon returns as Jason Bourne for the third chapter in the Bourne spy series, joining Joan Allen and Julia Stiles.

Trailer

Top 10… Dagnasty Evil Villains

corkeryd — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 20:35:53 +0000

10. Agent Smith – The Matrix (1999), The Matrix Reloaded (2003), The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

“Mr. Aaaanderson.” Hugo Weaving’s calculated drawl made Smith the most evil computer programme since that shitey little paperclip from Word. Smith adds to the damning cinematic evidence that Artificial Intelligence is capable of nothing but pure, nasty evil.

9. The Wicked Witch of the West – The Wizard of Oz (1939)

This hell-ho is often labelled the modern archetype for human wickedness. For the purposes of this post, we shall label her: dagnasty wicked. She’s SO evil she even gave confused monkeys the ability to fly. IT’S NOT NATURAL!

8. Jigsaw – Saw (2004), Saw II (2005), Saw III (2006)

He may have never killed anyone directly, but the things he forces them through are horrifically nasty. He considers himself more of a vigilante than a twisted psychotic; but if you really want people to appreciate life, inserting keys in their eyes and taunting them with a creepy puppet isn’t the nicest way to do it.

7. The Joker – Batman (1989)

Jack Nicholson’s superb take on this insane maniac was a welcome departure from the super-campness of Cesar Romero’s Joker. Sometimes amusing, sometimes terrifying, one thing was certain; he was pure evil.

6. Nurse Ratched - One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)

The most wicked, horrible bitch ever to grace the big-screen. Feeding off the immortal power of head nurse, she shocks, abuses and humiliates the patients into doing her bidding. And she has McMurphy lobotomised! I’m quivering with rage even just thinking about her.

5. Michael Myers – Halloween (1978), Halloween 2 (1981), Halloween 4 (1988), Halloween 5 (1989)… (sigh)… and all the rest

“I met him, fifteen years ago,” says Dr. Sam Loomis. “I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes… the *devil’s* eyes! I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply… *evil*!” Enough said.

4. The T-1000 – Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)

He may be an emotionless machine but he was programmed with evil intent and that makes him evil. And by Lucifer, he had the evil tools and intent for the job. Which made him scarier than the Austrian model. Being chased by the T-1000 would probably be the most opportune time to take up incontinence.

3. Norman Bates – Psycho (1960)

A psychologist’s dream,
Norman is utterly, utterly messed up in the head. Multiple personalities, Oedipus complexes and homicidal tendencies all attribute to a ridiculously warped and evil mind. He may be quite a tragic character, but it doesn’t detract from his nastiness.

2. Hannibal Lecter – Manhunter (1986), Silence of the Lambs (1991), Hannibal (2001), Red Dragon (2002), Hannibal Rising (2007)

“I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.” Cannibalism, murder and a keen nose for wine, Lecter is pure intellect and evil. The only villain who could remain terrifying behind three inches of reinforced glass, he kills for calm and calculated reasons. Utterly terrifying, utterly evil.

1. Darth Vader – Star Wars Episodes III (2005), IV (1977), V (1980), VI (1983)

The most evil villain of them all and the scariest boss in the galaxy. Disagree with most bosses, you might get a pay cut, disagree with Vader and you’ll be getting a fistful of Force down your throat. Vader destroyed entire planets without flinching, wiped out all the Jedis without batting an eyelid and even killed his beloved wife (through the medium of heartbreak). Forget the good that Luke sensed within him, that was merely the remnants of that pussy Anakin. Darth Vader was pure, 100% dagnasty evil. Even his breathing was evil.

And the worst… Mr. Freeze – Batman and Robin (1997)

“Ice to see you.” No Arnie. No it wasn’t.

Not dagnasty enough for ya? Let us know below.

More Top 10s…

300 (2007)

corkeryd — Sat, 24 Mar 2007 20:09:33 +0000

Leonidas (Gerard Butler), King of the Spartans takes 300 of his finest soldiers to defend his city and his country from the vast Persian army of Xerxes, who fancies himself as a bit of a God. 300 against thousands might seem a bit unfair, until you realise that the Spartans are harder than… really hard… nails.

300 is aesthetically sublime. It’s a visual feast of sepia-toned blood and dirt that is just gorgeous to behold. Add to this some of the most rivetingly awesome fight scenes ever seen on the big screen and you’ve got a package that appeals to the blood-thirsty adolescent in all of us. It’s hard to count the amount of times you will secretly pound your arm-rest while muttering ‘yes!’ under your breath. Snyder’s take on Miller’s graphic novel is quite simply a joy to watch and it reeks of pure style from start to finish.

Yet despite the stunning atmosphere, the film sometimes feels a bit lacking in substance. Out of 300 soldiers, a few more could have been fleshed out and developed as characters. Not to say that they don’t work as two-dimensional super-soldiers, but apart from a brief spout of anger when the Captain loses his son, it’s sometimes hard to really care for some of the characters.

At times, the film loses its sense of coherence and can feel a bit poorly structured. For instance, Snyder sometimes immediately follows scenes of adrenaline-fuelled testosterone goodness with conspiratorial whispers as the Spartan Queen trys to gain access to the Senate. This incoherent pacing gives the film in inconsistent mood and leaves you thinking ‘enough talking wench, back to the slaughter.’ These frequent forays into political subterfuge just don’t engage enough and feel stagnant next to the awe-inspiring battles that they follow. Of course, these scenes are a necessary plot device, but they feel poorly placed.

Furthermore, the gravitas of some of the coolest lines in the film are somewhat diminished by some dodgy editing. Example: “Our arrows will block out the sun.” “Then we will fight in the shade.” (pauses for about a second, then clips to some boring landscape back at the Senate.) Not enough time to appreciate how cool a thing to say that is.

Yet, what little there is to criticise cannot detract from what is truly a gory, stylistic delight to behold and along with Sin City proves that a lot of good can come of this new ‘computer age.’

Worth it?

If you’re expecting a deep portrayal of the soldier psyche or Greek philosophising on the meaning of war, stay at home. If you’re somebody who enjoys popcorn and punching your fist in the air at decapitations, don’t miss this.

Pictures: Top Right: Gerard Butler as Leonidas, the most bad-ass king since King Cole. That merry old soul. Middle Left: The immortal Persian bodyguards aren’t as immortal as they think they are. Bottom Right: The annual Sparta Charity Dive 480 BC

Directed by: Zack Snyder

Written by: Zack Snyder, Kurt Johnstad, Michael B. Gordon

Starring: Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West

Trailer

Premonition (2007)

corkeryd — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 17:42:00 +0000

Mother of two Linda (Sandra Bullock) receives word that her husband has died in a car crash. The next morning, she wakes to find him in bed next to her, alive. The following morning he is dead again. As she discovers an opportunity to save him, she must ask herself: does she want to?

You’d be right to think that this is just another supernatural hokum-pokum yarn with a flimsy premise. Yes, the premise is interesting initially, but as it unfolds it reveals itself to be frightfully conceited and underdeveloped.

Ultimately, this supernatural tale’s problem lies with its inability to deliver on the heavy significance that it tends to attribute to every detail of the film. Ooh look, she puts a bit of paper in the bin on Wednesday and there it is on Friday! Who cares? Your husband’s gonna die.

Lingering camera-shots and the suspenseful score tease the audience into believing that there’s a weight behind everything, but all the audience will be doing is focusing on the blatant errors and inconsistencies that occur from this pointless messing with the timeline.

Fundamentally, this film boils down to the protagonist’s ridiculous decision between saving her marriage or letting her husband die. Just because your having problems doesn’t mean that he deserves to die! Has she never heard of marriage counselling? Or divorce?

The film wants to be a deep, emotional scrutiny of a stale marriage and the rekindling of lost passion, but the amount of screen-time wasted on Bullock trying to figure out what day it is leaves little space for character development. Only by the conclusion is this problem rectified as we finally begin to care whether her husband dies or not. But by this time it’s too late as we’ve committed too much time to Bullock’s ridiculous and uneventful trips through random days of the week.

Worth it?

Not really. What begins as intrigue quickly turns to boredom. Dull and disappointing.

Pictures: Top Right: She spends the whole film with that confused look on her face, Bottom Left: You will envy those who are asleep

Directed by: Mennan Yapo

Written by: Bill Kelly

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Julian McMahon, Peter Stormare

Trailer

This means War

corkeryd — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 16:57:05 +0000

New Line Cinema have bought the movie rights to Gears of War, a videogame for the Xbox 360. It was screenwriter Stuart Beattie’s treatment for a big-screen adaptation that eventually won over game developers Epic.

Beattie, the writer of Collateral, purportedly plans to keep the movie plot pretty close to that of the game. Probably a good way not to upset the fans, but the story could use a bit of fleshing out.

For anyone who hasn’t experienced the groundbreaking experience that is Gears of War, the story is a pretty straightforward doom and gloom scenario where the people of planet Sera are few and far between thanks to the evil scourge of The Locust. Their only chance… the gruff-talking Marcus Fenix, sentenced to prison for trying to save his father (what else?).

Let’s hope that this and Halo can turn around the unfortunate track record of game to movie adaptations. Let us never again have to think about Bob Hoskins as Super Mario.

New Line are hoping to have the film out for summer 2009.

Source: Variety

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

corkeryd — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 12:19:53 +0000

The full trailer for “Isn’t Johnny Depp funny?”: Part 3 is finally here. But will the final instalment of the phenomenally successful pirate franchise still rake in the viewers after a somewhat disappointing second outing? Of course it will, don’t be a fool. Expect ridiculous amounts of money to be made and box offices to be plundered and pillaged.

Trailer

Day Watch

corkeryd — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 02:56:07 +0000

The sequel to the brilliant Russian supernatural flick Night Watch is finally getting a release in the West. If you haven’t seen Night Watch yet, do! It’s got vampires, witches, shapeshifters and all kinds of cool! The two films are part of a trilogy that have enjoyed unprecedented success in Russia and deserve the same the world over.

Trailer

Top 10… Action Hero One-Liners

corkeryd — Sun, 18 Mar 2007 17:50:38 +0000

10. “He’s dead tired” - Commando (1985)

Retired elite commando John Matrix (Arnie) has only a few hours to rescue his kidnapped daughter from an evil, exiled dictator. While on board a plane to the destination of the man Matrix is being forced to assassinate, he breaks the neck of the evil henchman assigned to escort him. Just before leaving the plane, he tells the air hostess, “Please do not disturb my friend, he’s dead tired.” Awful, but brilliant.

9. “Say hello to my little friend” – Scarface (1983)

Holding his dead sister in his arms, gangster Tony Montana (Pacino) witnesses his friend Chi-Chi’s death by the hitmen sent to kill him. Hefting an M16 with an under-mounted grenade launcher Tony yells “say hello to my little friend” and blows the door to pieces, killing four of the henchmen. Iconic.

8. “Yo she-bitch, let’s go” - Army of Darkness (1993)

After convincing the medieval inhabitants of
England that he is the ‘chosen one’, Ash (Bruce Campbell) consults with the wisemen on how to return to his own time. When all of a sudden, the Deadites inhabit the body of a witch, Ash steps in. “Yo she-bitch”, he says, whipping his shotgun from its holster. “Let’s go!”

7. “I came here to kick ass and chew bubble-gum. And I’m all outta gum.” - They Live! (1988)

Homeless drifter Nada (Roddy Piper. Yes, the wrestler) has just donned special sunglasses revealing an invasion of skeletal aliens disguised as humans, subtly brainwashing the human population. Armed to the teeth, he enters a bank filled with the concealed aliens. “I came here to kick ass and chew bubble-gum,” he says. “And I’m all out of gum.” Hilarious!

6. “You’re one ugly motherfucker” – Predator (1987)

After pinning down Dutch (Arnie again), the Predator removes his shoulder cannon and helmet to reveal his true face. And it’s pretty nasty. Always the astute one, Dutch is quick to point out the alien’s displeasing disposition. “You’re one ugly mudafucka!”

5. “Shocking! Positively shocking!” – Goldfinger (1964)

James Bond (Sean Connery) is locked in mortal combat with one of Goldfinger’s henchman when he knocks a lamp into a bathtub, electrocuting him. Ignoring the implications of killing a man, Bond is quick to let loose a vintage quip. “Shocking! Positively shocking.” Pure Bond.

4. “Groovy!” – Evil Dead 2 (1987)

After chopping off his possessed hand with a chainsaw, Ash (Bruce Campbell) retreats to the workshed to gear himself up in one of the coolest montages ever. Strapping a chainsaw to his stump and a shotgun on his back, he simply says, “Groovy!” So. Fucking. Cool.

3. “I ain’t got time to bleed” – Predator (1987)

Hard-ass tobacco-chewing Blain (Jesse Ventura) is ‘relaxing’ after an intense gun-fight with local guerrillas. “You’re bleeding,” one of his comrades remarks. Bleeding? Pah. He doesn’t have time for that, he’s too busy being super-cool. He’ll probably throw a Band-Aid on it later.

2. “Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?” – Dirty Harry (1971)

“I know what you’re thinking, punk. ‘Did he fire six shots or only five?’ Well, to tell you the truth, I’ve forgotten myself in all this excitement. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself a question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?”

1. “Yipee-ki-yay MuthaFucka” – Die Hard (1988)

The coolest action hero EVER and the coolest catchphrase ever. John McClane (Bruce Willis) is the right guy at the wrong place at the wrong time. Astutely noticing McClane’s similarity to the all-American action hero, Hans Gruber tells McClane that he’s seen too many John Wayne films. “Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr Cowboy?” he taunts. The only response: “Yipee-ki-yay mutha-fucka!”

And the worst… “Put the bunny back in the box” - Con Air (1997)

Accused of a crime that he only committed to protect the woman he loves, good guy Cameron Poe is embarrassingly wholesome. And when one of his fellow cons discovers the bunny that he bought for his daughter, he’s so fucking pissed off that he….. asks him nicely to put it back in the box. Don’t mess with that guy!

Have we missed any? Let us know below.

More Top 10s…

More Indy…

corkeryd — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 13:09:13 +0000

Cate Blanchett has today been confirmed as a cast member in next year’s Indiana Jones sequel. As who? We don’t know yet, but we’re betting she’s gonna be a love interest for Indy.

Her character had a thing for young men in Notes on a Scandal recently, so it would be nice for her to try out the other end of the spectrum with the geriatric archaeologist adventurer.

The news comes hot on the heels of rumours of Shia LeBeouf being cast, most likely as Indy’s son. Anyway, it’s good to know that the superb Blanchett is on board for a sequel that could even match The Phantom Menace’s unprecedented build-up of excitement and hype.

Let’s just hope that this time, George doesn’t drown Indy with CG and team him with an annoying piece of shit sidekick that even the kids didn’t find funny. ‘Oh, Jar Jar, you’re so clumsy.’ Hilarious.